I am in such a strange place right now. I am being put on medical leave effective Tuesday, January 19th. Yesterday I spent time packing up some of my personal items and materials from my room. I looked around my room and remembered buying all of these things as I got things ready for my first year teaching. I remembered Adam coming up, especially this summer, and helping me make my room everything I wanted it to be for the kids. I remembered all of the thought and planning that went into each area of the room and what would work best with our small group time along with starting co-teaching. It has all of a sudden hit me that I will not be in the classroom for a while. It’s strange to think that my whole life I have been in school taking classes, pretty much year round (especially in college). If I wasn’t in class I was working somewhere and then once I graduated I immediately was blessed enough to receive a position at my current school. This is my third year teaching and it’s been a blur! All of it has been! Somewhere along the line Adam and I got married and now we are expecting our little one in a few WEEKS...not months...WEEKS...
I have so many questions and emotions right now. How will it be to not be in the classroom anymore? How will it be to become a stay at home Mom? Will finances be super tight? Will I know how to take care of Reese in the ways that I need to? How will the dynamics in my relationship with Adam change? Will I see a lot of the people that I work with now? I already miss them. How will it be when I am ready to come back and teach? I already miss the routine of my day at school. Do I have everything ready for my substitute? I have been trying to think of every little thing she may need or question that I may take for granted day to day. It is truly exciting, but scary at the same time. This is such a pivotal transition in our lives and today marks a clear sign of the beginning of our change. Of course finding out I was pregnant was huge, but this is actually one of the first steps of watching it all play out in front of us. I have always felt that God has wanted me to stay home with our kids, at least for the first few years.
He has been so amazing with answering so many of my prayers, big and little. Sometimes I’m thinking, “Surely this doesn’t mean too much to you God, but...” and then he directly answers it pretty immediately. There were things this week that he definitely answered, but he allowed me to wait and trust instead of having that immediate gratification that an answer provides.
I tossed and turned all night last night, mainly from pure discomfort, but my mind would not quit racing thinking about today and what is to come. God has opened so many doors and it’s exciting to see what he has in store for us, but I have my moments.
What is truly amazing is how God is working in both mine and my sister-in-law’s life. Melissa has stayed home with her girls now for six years. She has wanted to get into the classroom, but she has wanted that student teaching experience that she missed during college. An amazing position opened to where she can be an aide in a general ed classroom. She will be able to see firsthand what happens day to day in the classroom and she will even have the opportunity to do some of the instruction/planning. Through a lot of prayers, meeting with administrators, and talking to Human Resources God opened many doors and Melissa will be starting her new full-time job next Tuesday after staying at home with her girls.
On the flip side, I spent this last week filing paperwork, meeting with Human Resources and administrators, as I begun my transition out of the district. My first day of not teaching will be next Tuesday. I will be transitioning into a stay at home Mom role on the same day that Melissa will be transitioning into a teacher’s role. It is CRAZY how this has worked out. Melissa said last night, “Amber, how great is it that we will be able to relate to each other especially in these areas because these roles are both so fresh for each of us?” It’s so true. I will be able to relate to the transition she is experiencing and she will be able to understand exactly what I am about to enter into. I am so thankful for the relationships God puts in our lives. He places the perfect people in our lives, often for a certain purpose.
So say a prayer for me as I enter into a day that will surely be filled with an array of emotions. I usually handle change well long-term, but I often find difficulty with the actual moments of transition, especially when it is this big of a change. I feel God’s hands working in and through everything and this is my biggest source of comfort. He knows what our family needs and he will take care of everything. It’s a comfort to know that he has loved our little Reese since before she was even a thought in our minds. He will take care of us and I am looking at this as a true opportunity to step back, trust, and let him lead.
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