My Happy Place

Today is our first shower and it's at our house. It is our family shower and I'm looking forward to spending some good time with them. I went with my Mom last night and we got a finishing touch for Reese's room. My parents bought a big, soft pink rug for her room. I also picked out a frame and matting for a picture that we will be hanging in her room. I will have it out at the showers for people to sign with some metallic markers that we also purchased. Right now it has a picture of me and Adam with my hand on my stomach, but eventually I'll change it to either a picture that Ryan took of us or a picture of Reese. We spent time last night hanging up a vinyl decal in her room. The texture on the walls was bumpy which made putting up the decal barely a two person job. Adam and I learn patience with each other during tasks like that one!

Last night I was starting to feel anxious about everything. It is all coming so fast and I have such a mix of emotions that range between extreme excitement to complete fear of my ignorance. I read so many different things and I have come to realize that I can do that all day, but it will be completely different when she is here. We will just have to learn together and take each step of our journey one day at a time. Something my Dad said to me all through growing up, especially as he talked to me about something deeper or a conflict we had, was, "Amber, I've never been a Dad before and you've never been a kid before so we're learning together. I'm going to mess up, but we will figure it out together." That was always so comforting to hear. I knew I wasn't alone and it made me see my parents through a new perspective.

Going back, during our pregnancy class, the nurse asked us to close our eyes and to think of a "happy place" that we could try to focus on during labor and delivery. They turned off the lights and had the husbands practice massage and pressure techniques while the wives closed their eyes and tried to envision something that could take them away from the pain that we would soon be facing. I immediately had a vision that came to me. There are fields at the ranch where my grandparent's live that I have often been to. During one particular visit I was taken back by the beauty of how the tall, straw-like grass shimmered like gold in the sunlight as it swayed back and forth. It seemed like it went on and forever, without ceasing. As I closed my eyes that day to try and conjure up a happy place the fields of straw immediately came to mind. I was sitting in the field with the grass surrounding me. It swayed as I stood, as if the wind was music, calling it to live. I walked through the grass, letting my fingers trail beside me, breaking up the soft motion the wind created between each blade. All around me the sunlight glistened on the expanse of gold that I was immersed within. It seemed like I was just walking, without direction, but the whole time I felt like something, or someone was calling me. The fields started turning upward, forming a small hill, and I continued walking. I saw two large oak trees, one slightly taller than the other. Underneath stood two beings. If I wanted to describe them to you I wouldn't be able to, but I knew who they were. God stood there, under a tree, with one arm resting on the man's shoulder beside him and his other arm outstretched to me. I felt the warmth coming from him as I continued walking, longing to be closer. I looked at the man beside him and the first thing I noticed was his gentle face as his mouth smiled with acceptance and grace. There was such a quiet strength about him that made me want to run to Him, just to be in his presence. It was like, this man who I had always known in my heart as Jesus, was alive to me in a whole new way. The wind caught up around me as I continued to them and I felt an all-consuming warmth travel through me. All of my fears, doubts, and worries slipped straight through me and disappeared. The voice that I had heard for years consumed me and penetrated my soul without the interruptions that I usually let in. There were no obstacles this time for the Holy Spirit to get through. There was no struggle, just complete surrender as I let the Holy Spirit fill me with air as I continued my journey through the field.

The nurse asked us to sit up and my vision was momentarily interrupted, but I still remember it vividly. I have gone there on several occasions already during my pregnancy. God allows me to return as I close my eyes here and ask him to open my eyes to what he wants me to see. Last night, he added to my vision of this place. As I laid in bed, letting anxiety grip me, I prayed that I could go there in my mind. I wanted to feel the peace and security that I knew would come. Immediately, I was standing in the field, looking up at the trees that shaded God and Jesus. I prayed that God would open up a new dimension to this vision. That if it was his will that I could see more. All of a sudden I could see glowing light from around me. Angels surrounded me and made a path that led up to their creator on the hill. I wish I could describe them, but the main thing I remember is their size. They were all huge and towered over me. I remember their beauty and the power I felt radiate from them. I could see that they revered and loved the Lord. Their duty was to serve Him and Him alone. That was the last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep.

I am so grateful for this vision that God has allowed me to have a glimpse of. It reminds me that there is SO much more than what this life has to offer. Yes, I know that I love my family and that I will be overwhelmed with my love for little Reese, but how much greater is the love of God? I often get so consumed by everything on this Earth and this vision reminds me that there is so much more to live for and to look forward to. Our end on this Earth is just the beginning of our true, uninterrupted time with our creator.