Well, still no Reese :) They told me on January 19th that it could be at the end of the following week (around the 29th). Then, after going into my appointment on the 26th she said it could be at the end of the next week, or even the next day! Last time I went in I was dilated to a 1 or 2 and effaced 50%. It’s funny the jargon that spills from your mouth once you become pregnant that you had never even heard or used before. It’s amazing Lord that you know the exact moment that I will go into labor...the exact moment I will have each contraction and each sense of relief...and the exact moment Reese will take her first breath. You are in complete control. I know that I can’t even comprehend the vast expanse of your control, but from the little that I do it brings me such a sense of calm.
I have been worried lately, on and off, about labor and delivery. Adam, while feeling my stomach last night, jokingly said, “Your water is going to break tonight. She just told me.” Even him saying that threw me into a state of panic. I felt immediately nauseous with the realization that, “Oh my gosh, this IS going to happen.” I am starting to feel like I’ve been pregnant for forever and I cope pretty well with these symptoms that I have become somewhat accustomed to. I can barely remember what it feels like to not be out of breath, or to just run around the house dancing and cleaning, or to even fit into my clothes! I wear Adam’s shirts every day! Thank goodness I don’t have to figure out what to wear to school every day.
Adam’s response to my panic was, “Amber, remember what I just talked to you about earlier.” He was referring to a few hours before when he referenced Moses. Lord, you provided a way for the Israelites to be freed from Egypt and they believed and trusted while things were going good. However, when they became hungry or thirsty they grumbled with their overwhelming lack of faith and trust. That’s what I was doing and often do. I have often looked at that story and been like, “Wow, how can they not trust God after all of the miracles and blessings he provided for them time and time again?” However, I do the exact same thing. This pregnancy has been nothing short of amazing. You have provided for me and Reese both physically and emotionally. Looking back, before I got pregnant, I would always look ahead in fear. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant and I thought I would be in a state of panic all of the time. You have provided for me throughout this whole pregnancy in ways that I couldn’t imagine before. Now, that I am reaching the end I find myself panicking and forgetting all of the blessings you have already shown me. Thank you for using Adam and the story of the Israelites to remind me that you are in control and you have shown this to me time and time again. Everything will be EXACTLY as you have intended and you will bring me that perfect, steadfast peace if I just open my heart and allow you to. Thank you Lord for bringing me to a new height in our relationship through this pregnancy. I see you in everything and I can hear you clearer with each step I take.
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