Adventures in Flying: He is in ALL things

I have other drafts in my "to be written" posts that are patiently waiting to be published (actually started) and at some point I will get there, but for now I am jumping ahead to talk about our latest adventure and my latest revelation.  A revelation that many have already come to, but one that I often forget and take for granted.

So a few weeks ago I decided to book a ticket to visit my grandparents.  As I put it off for a few days I finally sat down at my computer, looked up the plane ticket (that had already gone up in price due to my own procrastination), and hit "book now".  I may have broke out into a sweat as I saw the receipt pop up in my inbox and realized that this was going to happen.  

You may be thinking, "What's the deal?  Why the anxiety?"  I would not consider myself a seasoned flyer.  Growing up, we drove, everywhere.  We all packed in our green van, pulled out the Mapsco,  and "enjoyed" the scenery and historical markers as we drove across the country.  Flying in a hunk of metal that weighs on average 250,000 pounds through the air at 30,000 feet is not natural.  It is not the norm in my world, nor do I  think it should be the "norm" in anyone's world.  I know this because there are no fun historical markers in the sky.  My first time to fly was to St. Lucia on our honeymoon.  Since then I have probably flown 6-7 times, but never with kids.  I do good to tend to myself and my own nerves when I board a flight.  Thinking about maneuvering through an airport, with a one year old and a three year old, and getting on a plane fed every fear in my body.  

Did I mention I also struggle with bouts of claustrophobia?  A plane is a perfect recipe for panic attacks.  I want to feel in control (even though we never really are) and being in a plane, all closed in, where I cannot get out is the perfect combination for a internal war between fear and peace in my mind.  You feel like there is no way out and no solution.  All control, even if it is imagined, is lost.  

So, I booked it and you can bet every day for the next two weeks I thought about that flight.  

"Would Berkley throw a fit on the plane and make everyone crazy?"

"Would I have enough food to throw at the kids to keep them entertained?"

"Forget the kids!  What about me?! Would I go into full panic mode and need help myself?"

On the nights that I would wake up thinking about it I could almost audibly hear God say, "Amber, I am already there.  Have peace in knowing that I am already on that plane.  I am already there when you land.  I am your yesterday, today, and tomorrow."

I gained so much peace in these words.

BUT

I still struggled.  We all take these giant leaps, feel on fire, and then digress.  It's what we do.

I prayed for unexplainable peace for that moment.  I prayed that I would have kind, kid-friendly, people on the plane that would take pity on me (oh and they did...you should have seen the looks).

That morning, I woke up shaky, but as soon as I decided to live in the moment, not looking ahead, I felt a peace sweep over me.  God would prepare me for each moment as I was in the moment, not a second before.  That is where I knew my faith in Him, not myself, needed to kick in.  He is in control, not me, and we often need to be reminded of that.  Sitting as a passenger on a plane is a great reminder of that.

At 6:30 a.m. we packed up the car and Adam took us to the airport.  We did curbside check-in and as I went in I ventured to a further entrance because the security line was shorter.  We said our goodbyes to Adam and I watched, my stomach doing a little flip, as I watched my piece of security wave goodbye and reality started really sinking in.  

Security took forever.  Nearly an hour.  I saw the clock, staring at me on the wall, ticking closer and closer to 8:25, my departure time.  We finally got through security by 8:17 just in time to hear them say, "Flight 1374 to San Antonio, last call."  I threw my shoes on, chunked my laptop and iPad back in their bags, snagged Reese's hand and ran.

Reese immediately starts crying (maybe screaming) saying, "Mom, I DON'T WANT TO RUN FAST!  MY STOMACH HURTS! NOOOOO!!!!"  I tried to pretend not to hear her as I drug her through the gates.  C1, C2, C3...and we had to go all the way to C19?!

Everyone in the restaurants and gift shops were staring at me like I was a parent who beats my children.  I could tell what they were thinking.

"How could you drag that sweet little curly headed child through the airport while she screams that her stomach hurts and she can't run fast?  Just terrible."

I was NOT going to miss this flight.  I tried to explain this to Reese, but she was not getting it.  The girl always likes to run around fast, but not when it's game time and it counts.

So, I snagged her up with one arm, Berkley dangled in the carrier attached to my chest, I threw the overstuffed diaper bag on my shoulder with my laptop bag, and ran as fast as I could handle, still receiving many looks from just about everyone.  We got to the gate and as we walked in the plane I heard the flight attendant say, "We only have single seats left on this flight."  I looked back at her, probably with slight desperation, and she said, "I know, we'll try."  She got back on the intercom and said, "Folks, we have a few families getting on board with small children.  If you could move into the single seats to make room that would be wonderful.  If we don't have people move and get seated we will be running late."

So, now we were the reason behind people needing to move and potentially being late.  To be honest, I didn't care at this point, I was just completely relieved to be on the plane.  Never thought I would say that, but I was completely spent.  People were unbelievably kind.  We had several people volunteer to move and I ended up sitting beside a woman, near my age, that had a 2 1/2 year old back at home.  I knew she could relate and I felt relieved.

I honestly felt as much peace and calm sitting in that seat on the plane as I would sitting in my living room.  I plopped Berkley on my lap and Reese sat beside me, in the middle seat.  The lady opened the window so Reese could see, I pulled out multiple snacks, and we got going within five minutes of us getting seated.  The girls enjoyed the takeoff, but as soon as we leveled out and reached our altitude, Reese shouts out, partially excited partially nervous, "Mom, we're going DOWN!  We're going down!"All things you don't want said on a plane.

When we landed so many of the people said, "Wow, I can't believe this was their first time flying.  They were amazing.  I didn't even hear them at all" (except for the momentary panic comment mentioning the plane was going down of course).  Everyone was so sweet, generous, and kind.  I felt like we made friends on that flight, even if it was just for a two hour trip.  The lady beside us told Reese to clap as we landed, which ended up being a great distraction, because Reese started panicking a little as we landed because of her ears.  I tried to cram crackers and drinks in her mouth, but she wasn't having it.  Eventually, she drank a little and she was back to normal again.

My parents picked us up at the airport and we had so much fun surprising my grandparents when we arrived at their home unexpectedly.

Through these little situations God can teach us so much.  He took me to school that day, as he has done countless times in these situations.  We worry so much about the future.  What will it hold?  How will I cope?  Questions flood our mind.  However, we can't fathom it because we are not there yet.  Some of my greatest times of fearful anticipation have come with changing schools, getting pregnant, having c-sections, losing loved ones, moving to Tennessee, and yes flying too, but God shows me every time (not just sometimes) that He is always there when I just take steps of faith and BELIEVE in Him and not myself.

He told me yesterday, "If I am leading you there in the present then I am already there in your future."

That's it in a nutshell.  He was on the flight.  His presence saturated my spirit that day.  He provided just the right passengers to surround us and to be honest I think he allowed us to be crazy late when boarding because I didn't have time to sit around and let my anxiety grow.  He was in everything, even all of the little details.  We often think he doesn't care about the details or maybe something is too small for him to care about.  Lesson learned.

Don't limit God and you won't be limited.

He is in all things, wherever you go, before you even get there.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

Curbside Check-In

Surprised Reese with a Mulan coloring book

Hanging out on the plane

Reese barely watched the iPad at all, which was surprising.

Berkley's little puffball unicorn she wanted at Cracker Barrel the day before.