The Groshans Family: Leaving Texas: Part 2

Have you ever had a nightmare and then woke up relieved as you realized that it wasn't reality?

I cannot tell you how many times during this process I have said, "I wish I would just wake up."

After finding out that they placed an offer on the house things started progressing quickly. Oh and did you notice how I said earlier that they made an offer for full-asking price, as-is?! I'm just guessing, but I don't think that is super common. There was no negotiating. No back and forth time wasting. Just here it is, we want it, and sold. They wanted in our house in just three weeks. The wife was 9 months pregnant and they needed to get into a house. They fell in love with our house and that was it. It was hard to deny how wide God was swinging open this door. I had asked God to give Adam and answer, even if I didn't get it, and God gave Adam that answer. I am not sure if I have ever seen Adam so sure of a decision like he was this. We felt a true peace from God.

However, my mind was scrambling. I was looking at job boards for Adam. I was running countless options through my mind. Maybe we could just rent in the Dallas area temporarily until Adam found a more stable job here, but who wants to rent a house to a family with two little ones and two massive dogs? No one. Maybe we could just go ahead and buy a house in the area. However, would that be smart with Adam's job not so stable long-term? Not so much. I felt sick about it all and the smartest, most laid out options were heading in a direction that I did not want to go...at all. I truly felt that if we stayed I would be disobeying God's plan for my life. I would be trying to make things fit into what I thought was best. I would be following my will for my life and not God's.

One of the reasons Adam and I wanted to start having kids at the time we did was so that our kids could really get to know their grandparents and even their great grandparents. Those relationships are so sweet and so important to us. Now, with Tennessee in the picture, I felt all of those ideals being ripped away. I probably saw my parents no less than 2-3 times a week on average with them only living 20 minutes away. The majority of our family, both sides, lived within 20 minutes of us. Not only was I torn because I wanted the girls to be close to them, but I felt guilt for taking them away from all of those that had grown so close to them as well.

Before I knew it we were calling apartments in the area of Tennessee where the job was located. Our plan was to move into an apartment until we knew our next move. Amazingly, we found an apartment that accepted our dogs, was on the bottom floor (easy with the dogs and girls), had a dog park, and would do a short term 4 month lease. There wasn't another apartment that would do all of those things, especially with our dogs. This really couldn't have been any easier.

Or harder...depending on how I looked at it.

Adam set up PODS to be delivered to our house and the packing started. I was a mess. I would pack a box here and there and then cry. I would look around and see all of the work we put into our house being packed away with each box and bare wall. I started experiencing some not so fun panic attacks that made everything more difficult. I felt like everything was in overdrive and I couldn't make it slow down, stop, or go away. Once we packed the bed and the washing machine I knew that was time for us to start living with my parents while we finished things up.

Poor Adam.

About that time, I had completely checked out. All of this was happening within a month and a half time frame. Walking into the house made me cry, have a panic attack, etc. etc. He definitely did a ton, finishing things up, and tying up loose ends while I stayed at my parents, taking care of the girls. I wanted to hang out with them, relax, and honestly pretend like this really wasn't going to happen. We all stayed with my parents for 2 weeks before moving to Tennessee.

It was rough. Many days were wonderful, but it was hard knowing that as time went on we were getting closer and closer to moving to a state I knew nothing about, in an apartment I had never seen, and starting all over. For myself, I felt panic over the fact that Adam would at least have social interaction and be plugged in automatically through work and then there I was starting over with friends, church, photography, etc.

In the weeks leading up to leaving we spent a lot of great time with family and friends. Berkley celebrated her first birthday (I'll post about that later), Andrea threw us a surprise going away party, and we got together with family and friends. Honestly , we were just trying to cram in as much as possible before heading out and trying to soak it all in. There were lots of tears shed and tons of hugging!

The plan was for us to leave on June 24 (after having our closing date move out a few times). I would drive with Reese, Denali, and Chewy. Adam would drive with Berkley. We would head out around 3 a.m. so the girls would sleep for the majority of the time. Along with everything else, I had super anxiety about this drive. Ten hours, with two dogs, a three year old, and a one year old felt like a perfect recipe for a panic attack. Then, to pull up to an apartment we had never seen and start moving in. I had no idea how we would juggle it all. The night before we left Reese and I slept with my Mom in my parent's bed. I laid there, tears streaming down my face, not wanting to leave. Keep in mind I was also laying in the house that I had spent my entire childhood in. I just didn't want to go anywhere. I walked into the living room, where my Dad was watching TV, and flopped on the couch, crying.

My Dad said, "Amber, what's wrong? This will be fun. It's an adventure. You can't ignore the doors God has been opening. It's pretty amazing really. I've never heard of a house selling like that and then the doors swinging open with the apartment like it did."

Somehow I went to bed that night and we woke up at 3 a.m., loaded the girls and dogs, and I pulled out of my parent's garage as they waved to me with big smiles and encouraging words. A friend of mine from church sent me a verse the day before we left.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 3:13-14-

(one of my favorites)

Each time I would feel the panic creeping up in the car ride I would say out loud, "I'm pressing on and straining toward what is ahead because this is what God is calling me to do right now. No more looking back thinking about what could have been. This is what IS."

When we arrived at the apartment it all worked out. Adam's CEO and another coworker graciously helped us move in boxes and furniture. They were here within 30 minutes of us arriving. We ordered pizza and started getting things in order.

Yes, I remember standing in the kitchen that first night, surrounded by stacks of boxes, as Reese ran around the apartment and Berkley cried (I may have been crying too), but it was all alright. With each box I emptied I felt a little more relief and pretty soon our apartment, this place that felt strange and unfamiliar, started feeling like home.

It has been a process, full of ups and downs. I have already seen reasons why God placed this in our path and I look forward to seeing what all is up ahead. One thing I already know is that I was (am) too dependent on my family for my security. I was too dependent on my circumstances, which in the end was a distraction from God. Right before Tennessee came into the picture I had asked God to bring me to a new level with Him. I wanted to know Him more and I wanted my life to be His.

Enter Tennessee.

A big move and a big change is a perfect opportunity to fully throw yourself into the arms of God and to let Him carry you. He has done a lot of carrying in this past month and I feel my relationship growing in Him daily. I am learning to trust him, even when I don't necessarily feel him. I heard a message by Joyce Meyer the other day where she was talking about exercising. She said that we have muscles and we can pray all day for them to get bigger, but we can't pray bigger muscles on ourselves. We have to get out there and work out. We have to lift weights and while they form resistance against us it develops perseverance and strength. The same goes with our faith. In order for our faith to strengthen we need to get out there and take steps of faith, not just pray for it to happen. God blesses us when we step out, believing him, despite what the circumstances may look like.

This is what God is showing me. Of course, this is to be continued with our new adventures in Tennessee and what God is already showing us as we start our lives here.

Surprise party @ Andrea and Caleb's