Faith in Waiting

Yesterday we celebrated Reese’s 1st birthday. Where did the last year go? I have always heard that it flies by, but it really did! Many friends and family came to celebrate with us and we feel so blessed to have so many people that already care so much for our little Reese. We have been blessed by having so many special, loving people in our life and I am thrilled that Reese will have those same people in her life as well. I will post more details and pictures in an upcoming post.

For now, I wanted to give a quick update. Some of you knew that I have been having pretty consistent headaches for a few weeks. They have been great for the last few weeks, but when I went in to the doctor they had been persistent for 2-3 weeks. They suggested that I get a MRI just to check things out. I requested an open MRI and thank God I did! I’m not crazy claustrophobic, but apparently I’m more than I thought I was! As soon as they wheeled the table I was laying on under the MRI machine I went into immediate panic mode. The men there were so patient and nice. They walked me through everything beforehand. The part that was real hard for me was when they put the “helmet” (as they called it) over my face and clicked it in on each side of my head. That is not the best feeling for someone who panics in tight spaces, or at the feeling of being trapped. I prayed throughout that LOUD MRI and when I got out I told the tech, “Wow, I don’t think I would’ve made it much longer in there” and he said, “Nope. No way you would’ve made it in an closed MRI.” I said, “Was my heart rate going crazy?” and he said, “Oh yeah. I was watching it the whole time. Up and down...up and down...” When I would get more into my prayer I could feel myself calming down, but as soon as the noise changed in the MRI machine it would startle me and I would go back to square one.

I waited a few days to hear anything, but they didn’t call. I decided to call them and was told that the results were in, but they were sitting on the doctor’s desk for approval. So I waited. I got a little nervous in waiting and my fears started to reappear. They called back, but I missed their call so they left a message. I called them back, waited on hold for a while, and finally got through. It turned out that I do have a cyst or “gland”, but everything looks good. She said that they can tell if it’s cancerous from a MRI, but it’s not. She said a lot of people have cysts, but they just don‘t know it because they don’t get scans. I have a follow-up appointment with them coming up, but my headaches have pretty much gone away.

After I hung up I suddenly had a lot of emotion about it. I teared up, got on my knees (which happened to be near where Reese was bouncing), put my hand on Reese’s bouncer, and prayed through my tears. I thanked God for the results and for always being my provider regardless of what the results were. As I prayed I felt little fingers reach out and touch my hand. I opened my eyes and looked at Reese who was staring at me, very serious, and her little hand was resting on my hand. This of course made me tear up even more. What a little blessing. I pray constantly that she will grow up to love the Lord and have a heart for Him. I have been praying this since before I even got pregnant. I pray also that we will be the type of parents that she needs.

Reese in her bouncer the day she put her hand on mine.

From this experience I learned that God helps to develop our faith through waiting. As I waited for the results, as I took the steps of faith to do the MRI, and as I prayed out to him many times I felt my reliance and faith growing in Him, no matter my circumstance. I know it goes against our natural way of thinking, but shouldn’t we welcome times of hardship, or worry, because in the end it can draw us closer to God if we allow it. Shouldn’t that be the ultimate goal, to draw near to Him? After all, everything on this Earth is temporary anyway. God is the only permanence that we will ever know.

My Opa (grandfather), who is 80 years young, said something this weekend that I loved. I can’t quote it exactly, but basically he said, “Getting old is hard, but it sure is fun!” and he laughed afterward. This lighthearted statement carried so much weight with me. It’s all in the way we look at things. We can choose to be negative, to be a “fault-finder”, or we can choose to take exactly what we have and find the good in it. There is always good to be found, we just have to be willing to seek it. I want that perspective and it is something that I am continually trying to put into practice.