I will be posting soon about New Year’s Eve and Christmas, but I wanted to share a small revelation I had recently. People always told me before I had Reese that once you have a child you start to see your relationship with God in a completely different light. You start to catch a glimpse of the love God has for his children, even though our Earthly love for our own will never compare.
Two things happened recently with Reese that brought an answer to a question I have had for a long time about God, in regard to pain, questioning, and doubt. It is like I knew the answer, but experiencing this with Reese lately brought on a new awareness.
Something that happens frequently is that Reese will get super sleepy during the end of her wake time, rub her eyes, get cranky, and these are all signs that Reese needs to go to bed. So, I carry her up the stairs, put her in bed, and she looks back at me just in time to watch me leave. She starts her routine cry as I shut the door. I hear her scream and cry, which only lasts about 3 minutes (if that), but probably feels like eternity to her. I’m sure for those brief moments she does not understand and is terrified, angry, and just plain upset. She throws her tantrum, but then sleep gets the best of her.
I saw myself and God so much in this scenario. When things happen (or don’t happen) I tend to get upset. I cry, I yell, and I complain. I do not understand why things are not going my way and why I feel like God is not listening to me. When it comes to Reese, I can see the bigger picture. I know that she will fall asleep. I know that she is safe. I know that this is what she needs. I am always there to listen and I’m watching nearby, but I know that this is best for her. God is the same way. He hears us struggling and even though we feel like He is not with us He is. He sees the bigger picture and he has a plan for lives. We are very nearsighted, where everything past a few feet of us is blurred. God’s vision started before we existed and continues past eternity.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11
I see the same thing occur when I am feeding Reese. I will put Cheerios on her tray and she will poke around at them, trying to find the best way to pick them up. She picks them up now, but after she has it in her hand she swings it around like she does not know it is there anymore. She has not perfected getting them to her mouth yet. So after a while, I decide to pick up a Cheerio and she immediately opens her mouth, sticks out her head, and is ready for the Cheerio. I give her one and once it’s gone she immediately starts screaming. I try to get her to try to pick them up again, like she was doing earlier, but that time has passed. She now realizes I can just hand it to her and all is well. I realized that after giving her a few I needed to step back and give her a chance again, or else she would never learn how to do it on her own. I sat at the dining room table, with her right beside me, and let her scream in anger at the top of her lungs. I would look at her and she would just stop crying. She would just stare at me as if to say, “Well? Are you going to give me a Cheerio because you can forget me trying on my own now.” Of course I could’ve jumped in and given her a Cheerio, but how else would she learn to do it on her own? After a few screaming moments she started trying again. She would pick up her Cheerios and she was perfectly content again.
Sometimes I wonder, “God, why don’t you step in? You could fix this so quickly.” This Cheerio experience served as a reminder that God could jump in and save the day, but would we learn and grow? Yes, we scream and cry (as we often should), but we must never forget that God is with us. He feels our pain, just as a parent feels their child’s pain. However, his vision is greater than ours and he knows what will truly help us the most. He knows what will help us grow in Him, if we allow ourselves to surrender to Him and His will.
I thank the Lord for what he is teaching me daily through Reese. I only hope that I can remember these things when I trudge through the valleys we endure in this life.
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